help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
