just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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