You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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