Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
