I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
