i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
