The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
