you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
