"it" just moved
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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