I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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