in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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