I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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