I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
