we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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