My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
