please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The beer is more important than you right now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
