I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
