OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
