Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
