If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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