I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
