how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
