Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
