Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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