It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
