Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
