and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
