none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
