No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
