it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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