What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
