This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
