I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
