we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
