i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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