I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
