Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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