yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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