Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
