Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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