Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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