so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
