Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
