a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love you. Go after that dick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
