Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
