i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
