The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
