I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
