goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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