never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
