I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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