dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
do herpes really smell.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
