Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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